Self-Examination:
"Brethren, if we want to escape God's punishment and find mercy in his eyes, let us sit every evening alone by ourselves and search our souls for what we presented to our guardian angel to offer before the Lord. Again, as the night goes by and a new day dawns and light prevails , let us search ourselves to know what we presented to our companion angel to offer to the Lord. Let it be beyond doubt that everyone of us - male or female- young or old, who was baptized in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit has been assigned to a designated angel until the day of his death to report to him everyday what his assigned individual has done by day or by night. Not that God is unaware of what we have done. Heavens forbid. He is more knowledgeable about it. As it is written. the eyes of the Lord are watching all the time everywhere on those who commit evil and on those who do good. Rather the angels are servants installed by the Creator of the universe for those who will will inherit the salvation."
+St. Shenouda the Archimandrite (Homily found in the First Hour of Monday morning during Holy Week (Pascha).
"My beloved son, in solitude take account of your actions and be saddened for the sins that conquered you. In your solitude, collect your thoughts. Take into account those actions that pleased or displeased the Lord. If your actions were pleasing to the Lord, then rejoice and add to these actions on a daily basis. If you sinned, for every man is liable to do so, ask the Lord from your heart to forgive you, and be diligent not to repeat these offenses."
+Pope Kyrillos VI, Christian Behaviour p. 52.
When his health began to improve he insisted on
returning to his cave, and the doctors who treated him permitted him to leave
the hospital to return to the monastery but not back to his cave. Nevertheless,
when he arrived at the monastery he insisted on returning to his cave and he did.
The last time for him to return to the hospital was due to him collapsing and
hitting his head on the ground, leaving him unconscious for days. When he began
to regain his consciousness little by little he tried to get up and walk to the
cave’s door to find someone to help him. God willed that some of the Fathers
were making their way to see him; they found him standing in front of his cave
as if he was lost and they found out what happened from him. He was standing
trying to grab the attention of another hermit far from him, many kilometers
away!!!
In the hospital to which he was transferred to immediately, he quickly received
the results of the x-rays which showed that he had internal bleeding in his
brain, between the membranes. This is what caused his ongoing suffering and
severe headaches, the time was too late for any surgical intervention and his
gums were injured. He was continuously bleeding until he went into a coma.
In spite of all of this Fr. Benyamin still carried out his spiritual rule,
especially the Agpeya prayers and his Bible readings, committed to this even in
the remaining days of his life. Even in carrying out what he can from the
readings with the help of the Fathers the monks. He also confessed and partook
of the Holy Mysteries more than once in that period.
The psalm that he loved and constantly recited was, “Unto You
I lift up my eyes, O You who dwell in the heavens.” (Psalm 122). The last book
that he was reading was “The Way to the Kingdom”, the doctor who treated him
kept and held on to the book after him.
He distributed most of his own personal books as gifts to all those who were around
him, as if he felt that he no longer needed them.
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