When his health began to improve he insisted on
returning to his cave, and the doctors who treated him permitted him to leave
the hospital to return to the monastery but not back to his cave. Nevertheless,
when he arrived at the monastery he insisted on returning to his cave and he did.
The last time for him to return to the hospital was due to him collapsing and
hitting his head on the ground, leaving him unconscious for days. When he began
to regain his consciousness little by little he tried to get up and walk to the
cave’s door to find someone to help him. God willed that some of the Fathers
were making their way to see him; they found him standing in front of his cave
as if he was lost and they found out what happened from him. He was standing
trying to grab the attention of another hermit far from him, many kilometers
away!!!
In the hospital to which he was transferred to immediately, he quickly received
the results of the x-rays which showed that he had internal bleeding in his
brain, between the membranes. This is what caused his ongoing suffering and
severe headaches, the time was too late for any surgical intervention and his
gums were injured. He was continuously bleeding until he went into a coma.
In spite of all of this Fr. Benyamin still carried out his spiritual rule,
especially the Agpeya prayers and his Bible readings, committed to this even in
the remaining days of his life. Even in carrying out what he can from the
readings with the help of the Fathers the monks. He also confessed and partook
of the Holy Mysteries more than once in that period.
The psalm that he loved and constantly recited was, “Unto You
I lift up my eyes, O You who dwell in the heavens.” (Psalm 122). The last book
that he was reading was “The Way to the Kingdom”, the doctor who treated him
kept and held on to the book after him.
He distributed most of his own personal books as gifts to all those who were around
him, as if he felt that he no longer needed them.
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| Fr. Benyamin the Hermit |
The
visitors sensed that he spoke with difficulty especially in the beginning where
he would be silent for a while before he started talking to them with the
least amount of words.
When he wanted to return to praying with a low voice he sought the guidance of
his spiritual father which showed the great care the Father gave to his
spiritual life.
In Salam Hospital which he spend his last few days in, he would be bothered by
the crowds of people (visitors who were relatives of hospital patients).
Because of this, he started behaving differently to make them leave his room.
He would begin weeping when this would happen and when those close to him asked
him of his scandalous behavior, they found out that he wasn’t at rest with the behavior
of the visitors (how they flocked to him in crowds).
Some of the Fathers who knew him well said that he received his guests
cheerfully and with joy, but he would end up taking away the time he spent with
them from his sleep so as not to reduce from his rule and struggle.
Despite his great labors near the end of his life, he would pray the Divine
Liturgy standing in all humility and reverence, refusing to receive the Holy
Mysteries on his sickbed and always insisted on attending the liturgy when he
wanted to partake of the Communion saying, “I must live the Eucharistic journey.”
His Warfare with the Devil:
He endured many fights from the demons who tried to make him doubt the path
he has taken. Like everyone else, he suffered, was bothered, and endured grief
and faintheartedness. He told some of the Fathers that many times he felt the
weight of this warfare, as if the devil stood menacingly before him and
sometimes face to face.
He once said that sometimes during prayer he felt as if someone was trying to
shut his mouth to stop him from praying, telling us at other times when he
stood for prayer he
felt as if something was weighing down on him preventing him
from standing. Also, when he felt that his thoughts began to scatter in his mind, as a
result of the demons’ wars he would yell in a loud voice “Liars, liars…” like
how Christ described them, the enemy, the devil the liar and the father of it (John
8:44)... to dispel the war of thoughts.
Some of the Fathers heard him when he was in his cell in the monastery during
the period of his illness, yelling at night in a frightening way, calling for
God and the saints. He lived in the monastery near a blind monk, the monk would
move quietly towards his cell and when he knocked on the door of the cell with
his stick, the demons would disperse and the fight would fade.
His
tears were his spiritual passion, gushing and passionate, and he was affected
greatly by the pain of others as he was one body with them. The monk would
close the door of his cell to open to the door of his heart to the world (The
Church is the body of Christ).
When Fr. Benyamin heard that the Father who was serving him was ill, he wept
for him and began asking each of the monks about him until he recovered.
He was very committed to his spiritual rule and tasks (for prayer, etc.),and
when he wanted to add something new to his rule like prayer, he would begin
little by little (even if it’s only 5 or 10 minutes in the day). He would
regularly observe this exercise until it was established and he was consistent in it. Then
he would add to it gradually during a long period, and this shows his great
concern with carrying out his spiritual rule without haste, and also shows how
he prioritized his time.
Those who were with him during his last illness, said that he prayed in his
sleep. His lips moved in prayer even in his extreme weakness, he did not reduce
from his prayer rule.
Fr. Elisha El-Baramosy who stayed with him during his last days until his departure,
said that he used to ask him to start praying from the Agpeya so that he can
join him in the psalms, the litanies and the rest prayers of the Agpeya.
When one of the Fathers asked him about the mealtime, he answered him saying
that the monk must pray the Ninth Hour first and then he can eat afterwards, if
he chooses to do so. This is how he was very serious…and keen.
